Passing Time

I can't believe how much time has passed since surgery day, nearly a month. Actually a month tomorrow! Since surgery, I've been in a funk. Some days are good and positive and I am productive, but more often than not, they are filled with a whole lot of nothing. Keep in mind, the first two weeks I could not drive and then I couldn't afford to drive (literally). It was pretty much last Thursday that I was finally able to get out by myself.

Sarah came and visited once or twice and I went over to her house once or twice, seriously though all the days are blurring together. My 2-week follow-up ended up being a 3-week one and it was not a happy one for me. I only lost 5 lbs in 3-weeks!! I swear it felt like more and I'm guessing that before I started pureed food at week 2 I had lost more and then started gaining. Not a happy or encouraging sign. Of course, I also have not been walking, again it was cold and the snow and.... how many more excuses do you want cause i can give them. But that is all they are, excuses.

The past 2 days have been beautiful and I only stepped outside to get the mail. Of course, (excuse coming) I have felt like crap since Tuesday night. Still feeling pretty yucky, but my excuses need to stop! I get to go back to work on March 2, thank you Jesus!. I have no routine, I'm not getting enough protein, or H2O or walking and I'm not taking my vitamins. Gee, is there anything I'm doing right? In fairness, most of the time I would say 70% I don't feel hunger. But, I still need to eat something even if it's just a couple tablespoons of food.

I'm frustrated, a little depressed, angry at myself for doing the same things, making the same mistakes and never changing. What I do know is, tomorrow is another day and I can do different and better tomorrow.

Anyway, I think I'm babbling now, so I will stop.