Memories and the Future

Beginning next Monday upon waking, I will be on clear liquids only, until surgery on Tuesday, January 18th.
It's getting so close, and I am as ready as I think I can be.  The caffeine withdrawal hasn't sucked, but mostly because I haven't stopped completely. Since last Wednesday I have only had 1 large Diet Coke from McDonald's each day. The reason it's from McD's is because it's only $1 and I am completely broke.  In fact I don't believe I have enough dimes left to make $1 today.  So today may be the day I am officially without soda.  I waited until about 5p yesterday before I went and got one, I was craving it so bad, it was pitiful.
The only thing a person should love that much is Jesus!  And he will be the one who leads me through to the other side.
Although I am mentally ready for this, there are still things I have to take care of. Groceries and supplies to buy, I have lists and such just no money yet.  I am off today and tomorrow and then work Wednesday-Monday.
I think I will grocery/supply shop on Thursday (payday!!) after work and then I promised Judd I would come over to see him and Wyatt.  He asked me if I was still working on the picture book (scrapbook of mom) of his "grandma in heaven".  I just about cried, I showed it to him when he was here last and he was very interested in it.  I told him it wasn't finished and that I had lots more pictures and stories to do and he said he wants to help.  So I said I would bring it on Thursday and to get his markers ready.  Sometimes it's so hard to think about how much she is missing.  Christmas was extra hard this year for me, I think because Judd was so into Santa this year and singing Christmas tunes that I used to as a kid.  He was singing right along with Elvis and Burl Ives, even when the music wasn't playing.  It was and is bittersweet for me and for Sarah and Cindy I know.  Mom adored Christmas and that time of the year was always the best.  She did everything she could no matter how little money she had to make it the very best for us.  She was the greatest mother a girl could ever hope for and I miss her.  She would have loved those boys and L so much.  I know that she is watching over us and I know that she is with us in the good times and the bad.  I just want to find a way to convey to the boys who she was, what her heart was and help them to "know" her just a little.
Well, now that I'm tearing up, I think that is my cue to wrap it up. But here's a little something to make you smile: Judd at 4 years old @ Aunt Cindy and Uncle Pete's wedding reception in 2009 He clearly got his dancing moves from me John Travolta