Surgery Day

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Originally uploaded by Jennifer Maxwell

It's taken me nearly a week to write this post, and I'm still not sure how it's going to turn out. Due to the weather and the fact that I was not the one driving, my friend Melissa and I went up to Ypsilanti the night before. She was kind enough to pay for a lovely hotel room and I was able to get a good night's sleep.

Tuesday morning came, surgery day! We were both up with plenty of time to spare, I showered we took "before" pics and measurements and we were off to the hospital. I checked in got some additional blood work taken and walked up to Pre-Op. I was up there for a couple hours, Mel was able to come up and sit with me for awhile. Everyone was great, lots of double checking on information which is great. I spoke to the Anesthesiologist and he promised to be gentle with me persnickety baby tooth on the bottom. Eventually Dr. S came in and checked my chart, took my hand and said a prayer.

Truly, it was the most peace I've felt with any major decision I have made. Regardless of the outcome I felt safe with him and safe in the arms of Jesus. I had no worries, no butterflies, just true peace. It was beautiful.

I was out of surgery around 11AM (about 35 minutes or so) and groggily waking up I believe around 11:20 or so. I'm not entirely sure as my eyes were super blurry and I had no glasses at first.

The rest of the day went by pretty quickly and we left the hospital around 4:30 ish, I think?. I was pretty tired and mostly just uncomfortable not as much pain, per se. But I had the liquid Vicodin just in case. I slept for a very long time once I got home.

More to come later on how the week has gone, but suffice it to say tomorrow is pureed food start day and I cannot wait!

Memories and the Future

Beginning next Monday upon waking, I will be on clear liquids only, until surgery on Tuesday, January 18th.
It's getting so close, and I am as ready as I think I can be.  The caffeine withdrawal hasn't sucked, but mostly because I haven't stopped completely. Since last Wednesday I have only had 1 large Diet Coke from McDonald's each day. The reason it's from McD's is because it's only $1 and I am completely broke.  In fact I don't believe I have enough dimes left to make $1 today.  So today may be the day I am officially without soda.  I waited until about 5p yesterday before I went and got one, I was craving it so bad, it was pitiful.
The only thing a person should love that much is Jesus!  And he will be the one who leads me through to the other side.
Although I am mentally ready for this, there are still things I have to take care of. Groceries and supplies to buy, I have lists and such just no money yet.  I am off today and tomorrow and then work Wednesday-Monday.
I think I will grocery/supply shop on Thursday (payday!!) after work and then I promised Judd I would come over to see him and Wyatt.  He asked me if I was still working on the picture book (scrapbook of mom) of his "grandma in heaven".  I just about cried, I showed it to him when he was here last and he was very interested in it.  I told him it wasn't finished and that I had lots more pictures and stories to do and he said he wants to help.  So I said I would bring it on Thursday and to get his markers ready.  Sometimes it's so hard to think about how much she is missing.  Christmas was extra hard this year for me, I think because Judd was so into Santa this year and singing Christmas tunes that I used to as a kid.  He was singing right along with Elvis and Burl Ives, even when the music wasn't playing.  It was and is bittersweet for me and for Sarah and Cindy I know.  Mom adored Christmas and that time of the year was always the best.  She did everything she could no matter how little money she had to make it the very best for us.  She was the greatest mother a girl could ever hope for and I miss her.  She would have loved those boys and L so much.  I know that she is watching over us and I know that she is with us in the good times and the bad.  I just want to find a way to convey to the boys who she was, what her heart was and help them to "know" her just a little.
Well, now that I'm tearing up, I think that is my cue to wrap it up. But here's a little something to make you smile: Judd at 4 years old @ Aunt Cindy and Uncle Pete's wedding reception in 2009 He clearly got his dancing moves from me John Travolta

Twenty Days

I came to a decision nine months ago that has altered the course of my life in ways that I have already seen and in ways it may take years to recognize and appreciate.  Through prayer, self-reflection and the love and support of my family and friends, I have decided to have a surgery (gastric banding )  that will help me become the healthy person God made me to be.  My adventure begins in twenty days.

My weight has been a subject I have done my very best to ignore for so long.  I am reminded every day of the effects it has on my life, my body and my spirit.  I am also however, the very best at ignoring those signs pushing them down and away until I can't see them even if just for a little while.  It is how I deal with conflict, and sadness and grief and frustration, pick the emotion and I can tell you how I avoid it.  I wish I could tell you that on that day this past March, I had an epiphany and suddenly realized that I was worth it, but it is nothing quite so dramatic.  Looking back I just chose to listen to a friend and finally follow through with her suggestion instead of nodding and agreeing but shoving it back into the abyss of my mind.

So I made the call, scheduled the appointment for a consultation and drove the hour or so up to Michigan. Of course, I was so nervous, and had to make several texts and calls to said friend/s for support.  It was just a consult after all.  But I left that day, having made the decision to finally do something.  I spent the following 6 months meeting insurance guidelines and waiting.  I met the the requirements in November and the information was sent to them, I received my approval letter earlier this month.  And now, I have twenty days until my life changes forever.

I have started this blog in hopes that it will help keep me accountable throughout this process.  I ask for your thoughts and prayers as I continue this journey towards good health.

I am adding this photo as a reminder of where I want to be come this July.  It was one of my favorite days on vacation this past July, but also quite miserable because of the heat and how my body responds to the heat because of my weight.  I was physically miserable that day, and because of how I felt, I just wanted to go back to the hotel and not do anything else.  If you've never been to D.C. it's a walking city to be sure, I am too fat and out of shape for that to work for very long.  I'd just assume jump the metro for 2 stops then walk up the Mall.  The next time I go there I want it to be different, I want to have so much energy they have to drag me out of the Smithsonian's at closing time (well not really, but you get my point).  I have missed so much and continue to miss so much because of my weight and I will work as hard as I have to, to make this tool (Lap Band) work for me.

Addition 1.10.11

WORLD WAR II MEMORIAL
WASHINGTON D.C. JULY 2010